Okay peeps the time change is knocking me on my butt. How are my kids fully adjusted and I am still in bed, and trying my best to get coffee in so I can wake up – I need a IV drip to go along with this huge cuppa java. Joel is rocking it as super dad, helping the kids and slowly opening the door and bringing peace offerings of coffee and food to his lazy daisy wife who needs to get it together. I think he knows I am facing a week of one on one with our six and he is not testing those waters of trying to get me up before normal old time.
Some days I feel so confident and able that I want to take on the entire world. I believe I can achieve anything and everything I want, full of determination to jump right in and go for it. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I can be taken down with one silly incident. Like last night, I was walking down the stairs with the girls, my hands full of my new make up. I ended up dropping bronzer – of course the thing I was most excited about – on the floor and it fell open smashing into a million pieces. Quickly the simple incident had me rethinking everything over; the way I reacted, what I was mad about, and how frustrated I was over a seemingly nothing issue. The girls skipped along “don’t worry mommy it was just an accident” but I was left frustrated with myself and angry that I didn’t get the chance to even try it. It would have been semi normal/okay if I left it at that, but I spiraled into thoughts of not being a great mom, and that a “good” Christian would have held it together – WHAT?!?!?
I have found something simple that has helped me to overcome the sudden rush of insecurities, and I wanted to share with you in case someone else struggles with the same issue. I write out personal affirmations on cards and then pin them up on my prayer board. When I feel emotions flood in I take the card down and repeat the words over until I remember that yes; my life is worthy, I am worthy, and I can carry on. So often as women we are way too hard on ourselves, if one of the girls had dropped the make up container, I (like Vi) would have shrugged and reminded them it was silly and not let it wreck our fun. I definitely would not have blamed them or gotten mad at them for being upset and embarrassed. So why is it okay for me to do that to myself? This is my next step on the personal growth path, to be able to forgive myself for not being perfect. I have come a long way, but I have lots of room for growth in this area.
This affirmation is based on truth I have found within the Bible. For me the Bible works well as a place to gain confidence and feel loved. For you it may be quotes from books or famous people, song lyrics – really anything that reminds you that life is about more than one single moment and that you have been created for a bigger purpose. I took Bible verses from memory and wrote something as if God was talking specifically to me.
I know you. I knit you together in the depths of your mother’s womb – I wanted you. I planned you before I formed the foundation of the earth. I know your thoughts before you know. I understand why you are the way you are – I know your history. Have faith in My masterpiece. Allow the field time to sprout, and begin to grow. Wait for the blooms to reach towards the sun, and allow the fruit to ripen before harvesting. I will fulfill the plans I have for you. But always be mindful that My time is not like yours, rest for awhile in the shelter of my shadow. Let my grace wash over you, begin to see yourself through my eyes. You are precious, perfect, and bought you with the blood of my precious Son. You are a daughter of the Great King. I am the Great I am, who are you to doubt the truth I have written about you.
Joel is about to leave for work, so I guess it is about time this girl puts on her Mom hat and gets on with the day. My hope from this post is that you can add another tool in your belt to use in your life, and that you find encouragement to keep going and growing – you are not alone in the journey, we all struggle with insecurities and self doubt at times. I would love to hear about the ways you remind yourself of your worth and how you have succeeded in overcoming the battle of insecurity. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. Thanks for coming along on my journey this year.