The sun is out and it finally seems like a crisp happy January day. Outside at least, inside our house has been one frustration after another, and my tired mom mood has been anything but stable. I was reminded this morning of my post I wrote one year ago on this blog. At times I feel like that is the theme of my life – not quite sure of my life purpose or if what I am doing is right. Hello – is turning dirty socks right side out, and avoiding eye contact with my husband’s underwear in the laundry pile, truly where I am supposed to find fulfillment? God please, this can’t be it, I must be made for more!
I am seeing posts on Facebook about Bell’s “Let’s Talk Day” a great opportunity for people to share with others that they are a support – and for those who need to feel heard, or perhaps feel discouraged from getting help can find hope in friendship. Mental Health awareness is an important thing to share with friends. I have struggled with depression, anxiety, and self doubt for pretty much my entire life. Hints here and there still linger now and again (mostly anxiety and a whole heap of self doubt), but as a teenager/young adult I spiraled out of control in self harm and hidden shame.
I am not completely on the other side with a rosy “look at my life it’s perfect” ending. My life isn’t over therefore the work God has to do in me isn’t done. I am however past a few really hard seasons and for that I am grateful. I came out the other side knowing His truth due to experience. I had to hash out life lesson after life lesson, in battles that almost took me down. But those lessons are burned into my heart, and stand as pillars to lean on when the world seems dark.
I still struggle with being enough and proving my worth to the world, my uncertainty is often written all over my posts. Being a product of a teenage mistake who was then abandoned by a mother takes a toll on any young child – I rely on the truth that God knew my name before time began, and it was Him who wanted me. What a tough lesson, it took years for me to get. When I did claim victory over that internal battle walls came crashing down, and He flooded in to fill the broken piece of my heart.
Life is never going to be perfect and all together neatly on a shelf, some days are going to be tougher than others; spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically. As a mom it is easy to feel trapped in our repetitive day, so touched out and used up by the little people in our home we begin to see ALL people as greedy, selfish, takers! That is not where we are supposed to stay – God built us for community and that is what we should be after.
So on this Bell Talk Day, reach out and call the friend who is on your heart, send the message of love and encouragement you have been meaning to send. Make a coffee date, a play date, share a conversation deeper than “Hi, how are you?” It made the world of difference in my day today, I went from unstable to grounded – with fresh hope for tomorrow. I still have loads of dirty socks and underwear, but thankfully the washing machine is ours to use tomorrow as well!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I AM NOT ALONE. The age old saying “nothing new under the sun” comes to mind when I think about Mental Health. Someone has struggled with the same feelings you have – share, grow, and feel the joy of connecting with someone who hugs your soul.